Man and Wife

I didn't go to college looking to find my husband, but I did think since it was a Christian university full of moral men, we would meet never the less.  Where else would I meet him?  After I graduated, still single, I began looking towards my friend circles and church, but came up wanting. 

One day I was sitting in Panera drinking coffee and typing a letter to get into grad school, when I received a facebook message.  This message came from a high school friend I hadn't talked to in years.  He was 2 years younger than me and we met in a leadership class my senior year.  Our casual conversation turned into one about failures and life experiences.  I was trying to find direction and he was in the process of trying to move his life in a better direction, away from bad decisions and the wrong friends (which included moving an hour and a half away).  We were honest to a fault.  We were both vulnerable and honest and there to offer support for each other.  This afternoon conversation turned into weeks of talking and long strings of daily text messages.

To be honest I thought it would just be 'fun for now' and I welcomed the attention and the break from reality.  Kevin was sweet and flirtatious and I knew it was quickly becoming something more.  So when he asked what I thought about making our relationship more exclusive, I scrambled.  God hadn't given me the wisdom that he was the one and I desperately wanted to make sure I made the right decision.  So I told him that I needed to focus on my relationship with God and what he had for my life.  Kevin's response was something I never expected.

I'll wait for you.  I know what I want and I'll wait until you realize it's what you want too.

And he did wait.  Months.  He waited and patiently and respectably pursued me.  Honestly, I started to fall for him...fall hard.  And after praying for wisdom and direction I never felt like I really had an answer and so I deduced the reason was because God didn't approve.  For some reason I thought God didn't approve of this man that respected me, complimented me and treated me so well.   

For our first New Year's Eve together, Kevin drove down and we spent the weekend hanging out.  It was his birthday as well, so I worked hard to make it special.  I bought him gifts and even made him him one.  It was a deck of cards I decorated to express the 52 reasons I loved him.  After dinner I decided to take him to one of my favorite spot in the city.  A bridge that spans over the river, right outside of downtown.  It was a breathtaking view.  But that night, even more breathtaking weather.  It was windy and well below freezing.  We started walking across the bridge and shortly our walk turned into a sprint towards the middle where there is a viewing area that is surrounded by a concrete wall.

The distance did begin to take a toll on our relationship and Kevin decided to move.  This was a huge step, for both of us.  But once he was here things were so smooth and we both committed to taking the time to make it work.  And work it did!

A few months later Kevin and I went to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants (just a casual place) and after he asked if I wanted to take a walk on our bridge.  This was pretty common because the bridge became one of our favorite spots to walk to from our house.  It was getting dark when we reached the our "spot" and stood there, looking out on downtown.  It was gorgeous.  During our conversational debate about who loved whom more, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.

I had so many ideas about the wedding...I had only been planning it since I was 5 years old.  I found the perfect dress, the perfect venue and had all of those little details that would make the day special worked out.

Then things started to fall apart.

My parent's 30 year marriage was ending in a very very messy divorce and my whole family was drug through it while relationships between all of us suffered.  Girl friends that I had been so thankful to have in my life were suddenly causing more drama and tears than any friendship is ever worth.  Through all of this I had Kevin (and an incredible best friend) to lean on and I think the weight of all of that began to strain our relationship.  The last thing I wanted to do was have a wedding. 

After several months things began to get even worse and I felt like I was in such a dark place I just couldn't handle it.  At that point Kevin took the reigns.  This is significant because in our relationship he's the laid back one and I am the planner/type-a one.  This was such a blessing and I thank God for giving Kevin the wisdom and patience to really help out of that dark place.  He made me realize the importance of focusing on our relationship and really making it our priority again.  He asked me to forget everything and just answer one question. 

"What would your dream wedding look like?"

I knew my answer, it was so simple, but a little bit crazy.  My dream would be to get married in Central Park in New York City...even if it was just the two of us and my best friends Lauren.  (I have always loved NYC and after getting the opportunity to visit for a week several years ago I was hooked)  His answer?  Let's do it!  Once we shared the plans with our friends and family, we were shocked at how many wanted to go with us!

So now our wedding date is set for September 20th in New York City at the Bethesda Terrace in Central Park :)

Our journey so far hasn't always been easy, but I think it's during the hard times that we have grown the most.  I look back and I'm so thankful for those tear-filled nights he held me and told me everything would be okay.  Honestly I didn't know what love meant until it meant being with Kevin.  We enjoy hanging out, cooking together, volunteering at church and working towards our life goals.

I had no idea in that high school classroom 9 years ago, the boy sitting next to me would mean so so much to me :)  

Bittersweet...but so sweet

Is it just me, or does our self control go on vacation during the holidays?  Especially when it comes to food.  I don't know what it is, but I have the inner need to finish off every bit of savory and sweet foods left over from Thanksgiving.  It's a little nuts.  It's also more than a little delicious...which most likely adds significantly to the problem.

I always have the best of intentions during most of the year to eat healthy and get into shape, but for some reason around the holidays those intentions are gone and don't come back until after New Years when I'm stuffed and guilty. 

What can we do to change this?  Do resolutions for weight loss ever work for anyone?

I've heard the key to success is to view weight loss as a 'lifestyle change' or an addiction you have to overcome....but if that's true, I don't think our best intentions or tries are going to cut it.  I can't remember the last time I heard an alcoholic say that he was really able to quit drinking by just giving it a shot or 'really trying'....though I always think this approach will work for me with weigh loss!  And then I'm bummed when it doesn't!

I think the reason I don't take it addiction level serious, is because I feel like I can change any time and some times I think my eating habits are that bad....I EVEN sound like an addict!!  

I'm excited for what the new year holds and I even have a few 5k races on the books so we will see!  So here's to the final year with a weight loss resolution  : )